One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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