when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
