I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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