Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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