everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
