i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
