Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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