1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
