just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
