I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
