Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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