i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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