I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize