i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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