his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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