You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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