why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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