Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
