I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
