i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
