So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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