You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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