turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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