saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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