I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize