Will you blow on my dice?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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