that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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