I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize