The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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