Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
