so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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