you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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