he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
