Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
