Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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