I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
