as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
