My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
