I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
