Capitaan dildo arrescate!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dont even know how to be here
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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