My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
