I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
