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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you yell "are you not entertained?"

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.

  Fav 30 4332 1296

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.

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