That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
