I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
