So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
