omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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