I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
