One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
