Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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