You just made me feel so damn special
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
