I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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