I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
