hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
