omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
