During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My dick has a subreddit
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize