All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
