My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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