She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
