no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
