He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
