pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
