You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
