Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
