Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just pee around me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize