He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
