you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
