what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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