He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
