i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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