Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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