If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
