tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
