Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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