Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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